Mixed Jokes Page 2

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OLIVER: What does it sound like when owls and ghosts cry together?
OTIS: Boo-hooo, Boo-hooo!.

MIKE: Did you hear about the owl with laryngitis?
TIM: He didn't give a hoot!.


Arthur Junior was playing with his set of trains in the living room.
Choo choo, he said, we are now arriving at Delbertville Central Station. All you %$#$%% ^%&%$# who are getting off here get the #@$# off this train so we can get to Rueprecht City on time.
Arthur's mom came rushing in from the kitchen. ARTHUR! WE DON'T USE WORDS LIKE THAT IN THIS HOUSE! Wash your mouth with soap and go up to your room for one hour.
After the one hour sentence was up Arthur Junior came back downstairs and started playing again.
-Choo choo all aboard, he said. we would like to welcome all passengers to the Rueprecht City Express, we hope you will al have a wonderful journey with us today. If anyone is unhappy with the one hour delay please take it up with the fat bitch in the kitchen.

Hey Delbert, just got back from the convenience store.
-Oh yeah, how did that go Arthur?
- Well the street was full of cars and there was no way to find a legal parking spot. When I got out of the store I saw a cop writing a parking ticket. So I told him, come on man, this is not cool, give a guy a break!
But he just ignored me and kept writing the ticket. And then when he checked the license plate he noticed that the tags were expired so he started writing another ticket for that. Then I got angry and told him what a jerk I thought he was.
He just smiled and wrote another ticket for the cracked rear view mirror. Then I yelled at him that his mother was a @#$^%&*. He just kept smiling and looked around the car and wrote another ticket for incorrect tire pressure, I didn't even know you could get a ticket for that!
This is when I got really angry, I insulted him in the strongest possible way. After that the cop started getting angry, he inspected the car in every detail and started writing tickets like crazy, he must have written a few thousand dollars worth of tickets!
It was getting late though so I decided to walk back home. Lucky I didn't drive my car there or I might have gotten a ticket too.

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