Why do idiots open their milk cartons in the store?
It says ''Open here''.
Arthur and Gertrude was taking a trip on a twin engine airplane when the captain came on the speaker.
- This is your captain speaking, one of our engines has stopped working. But we still have one good engine running so there's no need to panic.
Gertrude: - Well Arthur honey, I hope the other one doesn't quit on us, in that case we'll have to sit here all night.
Arthur! Check it out! My pet fish is playing the piano!
-Delbert my friend, that's incredible! What's he playing?
A sailor and a pirate are talking in a bar.
- Wow, said the sailor, you really have it all. Wooden leg, hand hook, eye patch. How did you loose your leg?
- Har, I fell overboard in a battle and a shark bit off my leg.
- Whoo, sounds painful, how about your hand how did you lose that?
- Har, har. It was cut off by an enemies sword during battle.
- Wow, and how about your eye, how did you lose your eye?
- Har, that happened when a mosquito flew into my eye, har.
- A mosquito in the eye, how could you lose an eye from that?
- Har Har, it was my first day with the hook, har.