Edgar was at the greasy spoon diner having lunch. The waitress was shouting orders to the kitchen staff.
''Hey Tiny!.. 2 ham and eggs!!''
''Hey Runt!... 3 coffees!!''
''Hey Shrimp-O! 1 ham sandwich!!''
''Hey Small Stuff!... 1 Apple pie and milk!''
''Hey Little One.. 2 burgers!''
''Aren't you being verbally abusive to the chef?'' asked the concerned Edgar.
''It's okay,'' said the waitress, '' He's a Short Order Cook!''.
Why was the cow driving the car?
Because it was a STEER!!!
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Because there are footprints in the Jello!
What's the difference between an Elephant and peanut butter?
An elephant doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth!.
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Mr. Snail purchased a brand new Rolls Royce coupe. The salesman asked Mr. Snail, ''Will there would be anything else, Sir?''
''Yes,'' replied Mr. Snail,''Would please paint a big letter 'S' on each front door. ''
''But why, Mr. Snail?'' asked the puzzled salesman..
''So that when I drive around town all the people will point at me'', replied Mr. Snail,''and say 'Look at that ESCARGOT!!' ''.
Grandpa was down at the campfire telling tales to his grandkids.....
Well, back when I was a lad I decided to go to sea and signed on aboard the ''RMS Titanic''. I was assigned to the Stewards Department and they placed me in charge of the soda fountain as Soda Jerk First Class. It was my duty to serve the passengers any sort treat they desired. Everything was going well until the fateful night of April 14th, 1912 when the ''Titanic'' struck an iceberg and began to sink....
Well, sadly, there were only lifeboats for 2/3 of people on board and with the law of the sea ''Women and children first!'' the last lifeboat was soon filled and departed. Captain E. J. Smith stepped out onto the bridge wing and gave his last command, ''Be British!''.. Things were looking grim and that's when your Grandpa sprang into action!
I went to the store room of the soda fountain and grabbed all the wooden cases marked ''Hires'',''Dad's'', and ''A&W'' and then carried them out on deck. I then went to the freezer and fetched all the 5 gallon tubs of vanilla ice cream I could haul. I grabbed some rope that was lying around and then lashed all of these items together. Soon, the freezing waters of North Atlantic covered the deck as the ''Titanic'' sank. I hopped aboard my creation and drifted of into the night...
''Gosh Grandpa'', asked the grandkids, ''Did you build your own life raft?''
''Sort of'', chuckled Grandpa,''but actually it was a Root Beer Float!''.
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