Arthur got hit by a garbage truck and died. Saint Peter wasn't sure what to do with him since Arthur wasn't good enough for heaven but not quite bad enough for hell.
- Ok Arthur, I'll let you pick where you want to go. I'm going to show you both places and then you can pick.
First Saint Peter took Arthur down to hell. It was a place with beautiful sunny beaches and pretty waitresses serving drinks to everybody. Then Saint Peter took Arthur up to heaven and showed him around. It was a quiet place with angels flying around and people meditating, some lady was playing a harp and things like that.
- Well Saint Peter, thanks for showing me around, said Arthur. I pick hell, no doubt about it.
- Ok Arthur, said Saint Peter. And Arthur was taken down to hell.
A week later Saint Peter got a phone call from Arthur in hell.
- Saint Peter, I think there's been some kind of mistake. This place is nothing like the place you showed me. They have me chained up to a wall, there's this guy that shows up all the time with a different torture device every time. We just finshed a session of pulling out nails, and he said we're doing some electric shock torture next.
- Yeah, said Saint Peter, but when I took you down there you were there as a tourist.
Arthur had been a car mechanic ever since he dropped out of high school, he died young at the age of 34. When he met Saint Peter at the gates of heaven he asked:
- Saint Peter, why did you let me die so young?
- Well now Arthur, based on how many hours you've been charging your customers according to your accounting records you are 95 years old.
Arthur was at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter asked him what good deeds he had done in his life.
- Well that was that one time I confronted a gang of bikers that was harassing an old lady. I spat their leader in the face and pushed over his mototcycle.
- Wow ! said Saint Peter, that's really brave and noble, when did do that?
- Well, about two minutes ago. .
Arthur and Gertrude had a car accident while driving to a church to get married. Now they are both together again in heaven. They really want to get married , so they discussed their need with St. Peter who promised to help them out. However, they haven't heard from him for 10 years. After 20 years has passed he came to them with a priest. They finally got married and lived happily together for 5 years. Arthur came to see St. Peter asking if he could help him since the marriage was not going well. He asked him ''could you help us get divorce?'' St. Peter answered, ''Are you kidding?!! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?'' .
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