Miscellaneous Jokes Page 9

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Sally borrows her Dad's old school Volkswagen Beetle and drives to the local shopping mall and parks, leaving the headlights on. She returns after a couple of hours later and of course the battery is dead and the engine won't even turn over. She opens the front hood and is perplexed at what she sees. So she calls her older sister Susie for advice.

''Hey Sis,'' says Sally,''I am down at the mall with Dad's VW and someone has stolen the engine! Gosh, is he going to angry!''

''Hey, No worries!'', says Susie,''I am pretty sure Dad always keeps a spare engine in the trunk!''.




Larry was depressed... The daily grind of his life had taken away any joy... He felt as though he was just going through the motions of just existing.. He definitely had a case of the blues..

One day as Larry was driving down the freeway at seventy miles an hour. Suddenly the car's front left wheel flew off! The car went wildly out of control, veering off to an almost certain crash. Larry's instincts for survival kicked in and he fought the steering wheel valiantly for what seemed an eternity! At last he had managed to wrestle the car safely to a stop on the shoulder. His heart was pounding.

The next day, Larry felt great as he thought more and more about what had happened to him on the freeway. His triumph over this incident gave him a fresh perspective of life. He felt a great inner peace. It was as if the Universe had validated his existence. The blues had departed and everything he knew from now on would be sunshine and rainbows...

Larry then thought of his best friend Steve who seemed just as sad and depressed as he used to be. If there was only some way he could help his friend thought Larry. It was then he came up with a plan.
That night, Larry drove to Steve's house. Parked in front was Steve's car.. Larry took out his lug wrench and loosened the nuts on the front left wheel of Steve's car. Larry then drove home.

The next day... Larry drove to the local hospital to see his friend Steve who was in the Intensive Care Unit...



   


   
The Captain of the airship ''Hindenburg'' finally made it home after it's fateful voyage.. Walking up the front path to his house he left a trail of sooty, smoking footprints behind him...

''Hi Honey! How was your trip?'', his wife greeted him at the front door.

''It was fine, I suppose,'' he replied, ''There was, however, this one small problem.... ''

=================

The Captain of the ''Exxon Valdez'' finally made it home after it's fateful voyage. Walking up the front path to his house he left a trail of crude oil and seawater footprints...

''Hi Honey! How was your trip?'' his wife greeted him at the front door.

''It was fine, I suppose,'' he replied, ''There was, however, this one small problem. ''

================

The Captain of the ''RMS Titanic'' finally made it home after it's fateful voyage... Walking up the front path to his house he left a trail wet, briny footprints behind him..

''Hi Honey! How was your trip?'', his wife greeted him at the front door.

''If was fine, I suppose... '', he replied, ''.... There was, however. This one small problem.''.




Murray's best friend was getting married and chose him to be the Best Man. It was big wedding and almost the whole town attended.. At the fancy reception, Murray stood up next to the bride and groom and raised his champagne glass to make the traditional wedding toast.. Before he could utter a word Murray loudly farted.. The crowd broke into uproarious and prolonged laughter.. Murray was so embarrassed he immediately departed the reception and left town....
Some thirty years had passed and by coincidence a business trip had taken Murray back to his home town... In the taxi ride from the airport to the hotel Murray could not help noticing all the many changes in his town... They drove past a library Murray had never seen before...

Murray asked the driver,''Hey Driver, when did they build that library?''

The Driver answered, ''Oh, the library? That was built in 1999, exactly 12 years after Murray's fart.''.




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