A man goes to his doctor and says.... ''Hey Doc, I have this problem with my ears. Day and night I keep hearing Tom Jones music in my head. Tell me, is this a rare condition?'' The doctor replies.... ''It's Not Unusual.''.
In the Wild West a dog with a bandage on it's foot walks into a bustling saloon. A hush falls over the crowd. The dog says...... ''I'm looking for the man who shot my Pa!''.
In deepest, darkest Equatorial Africa... Along the jungle lined banks of the Limpopo River... The heat is steamy and sweltering... Thick vines and foliage choke the water's edge.. The high pitch whining of insects and the chattering of birds fill the fetid air with sound.... In the tepid and muddy water are two hippos... Their bloated bodies submerged.. Their snouts just above surface.. One hippo turns to the other and says...... ''I can't believe it's only Tuesday.''.
April 14, 1912..... The RMS Titanic is on it's maiden voyage steaming through the frigid night in the North Atlantic. It is a moonless night and not a breath of wind in the bighting cold. Suddenly, a cry from the crow's nest. ''Iceberg! Dead ahead!!!'' Too late! The mighty ship collides with this floating mountain of ice and is mortally wounded.... Captain E. J. Smith is summoned to the wheelhouse. Dressed in his great coat with epaulets and four stripes on the cuffs, cap with gold braid on the brim, and a neatly trimmed white beard.. He is a picture of authority and command. In a deep voice he speaks.... ''What is the the situation Chief Mate ?'' he asks the Officer of the Deck.... The Chief Mate replies..... ''Well, Captain... The iceberg has torn a hole 300 feet along the starboard side... Four compartments are holed... The flooding is overwhelming the bilge pumps... There are only enough life boats to hold just 2/3 of the passengers..... And the nearest rescue boat will not reach our position before the ''Titanic'' sinks''... Captain Smith looks at the expectant faces of his crew.. And says.... ''THIS is why we can't have anything nice!''.