Sam was a man of very strong faith. He attended church on Sunday. Each night when he said his prayers he would always finish with, ''Dear Lord in Heaven, please let win the State Lottery, Amen. ''
After many years on Earth, Sam's life ended and he wound up in front of the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter gave Sam the okay for entry. Before he entered, Sam asked Saint Peter...
''As you know from your records, every night I asked to win the State Lottery.... For a life time of prayers I didn't win anything! Not even one penny! How come??''
Saint Peter answered, ''It would have helped if you had purchased a ticket!''.
Tom was convicted of a felony and was sent to the State Prison. It was his first night in the ''Big House''. Tom and his cell mate were locked in their cell for the night. A bell rang and guard announced ''Lights Out!'' and the prison cell block went dark and a hush fell over the inmates..
A short while later a voice called out, ''35!''..
A few chuckles were heard in the darkness..
A couple minutes later a different voice called out, ''68!''
A few guffaws were heard...
Then someone called out, ''19!''...
A wave of laughter came through the blackness..
A puzzled Tom asked his cell mate,'' What the heck is happening ?''
His cell mate replied, ''You see, new guy, after all the time spent in lock up, everyone has heard every joke over and over. So much so that we gave each joke it's own number to save time and cut to the chase. Understand?'' Tom answered yes and he just lay there listening to all laughter and to what sounded to him like a pretty good time.
After a while Tom wanted to join in the fun and so he called out, ''47!''. The cell block reacted by going dead quiet and all the laughter ceased abruptly!
''Gosh, What just happened?'' he asked his cell mate.
His cell mate answered Tom, ''It wasn't the joke really, it was more the way you told it!''.
A blue kangaroo enters the bar room...
''What will it be?'' asks the bartender..
''A Vodka Martini. '' says the blue kangaroo.
''That will be 28 dollars please. '' says the bartender.
The blue kangaroo pays him.
''You know something?'' says the bartender, ''We've never have had a blue kangaroo in this bar before. ''
''You know something?'' answers the blue kangaroo,''At these prices, you never will again!''.
A blue kangaroo, a topless young lady, Grandpa, the Captain of the Titanic, two explorers, a tribal chief, Mrs. Dickie, Farmer Jones and wife and four daughters, a traveling salesman, Murray, Steve, Larry, Susie, Sally, two hippos, a cow, a butcher, a duck, a dog with a bandage on it's foot, a pharmacist, a doctor and the Pope all walk into a bar room together.......
The bartender asks....
''Is this some kind of joke?''.