Miscellaneous Jokes Page 7
Lumberjack Paul came out of the North Woods and into town for his monthly supplies at the General Store. The store keeper greeted him, ''Hey Paul, I just got a new shipment of chainsaws.. They are guaranteed to cut ten times as many trees as you do now. '' So Paul purchased a chainsaw and left.
A month later Paul came into town for supplies bringing the chainsaw with him. The store keeper asked Paul how was the chainsaw working out?
''Not so good as you predicted, I've only doubled amount of trees I've cut down. '' said Paul,''and actually, I'd like to get my money back. ''
''Hand it to me and I'll take a look at it. '' said the store keeper. He then took the saw and pulled the starter cord and the saw roared to life.
Paul jumped back startled and yelled, ''What the heck is that noise!!!''.
Larry was downtown and passed a shop window with a full display of many clocks. He stepped inside and asked the shop clerk, ''May I purchase a clock please?''
The shop clerk replied, ''I am sorry Sir, we don't sell clocks. Actually this shop neuters cats. ''
''Then why have all those clocks in the window?'' asked the puzzled Larry.
''What do YOU suggest we put in the window then!'' said the shop clerk.
Don enjoyed entering contests and sweepstakes. One day a letter arrived in the mail informing him he had won a lifetime supply of toothpaste! ''Wow! Enough toothpaste to brush my teeth everyday for the rest of my life!'', happily thought Don. It said that his prize would be delivered next Monday.
Delivery day arrived and 100's of huge semi trucks stopped with the hissing of air brakes in front of Don's house. Out hopped a burly driver with a clipboard and had Don sign several forms. Then all the drivers walked to the back of their huge trailers and swung open thier doors. From inside trailer after trailer the drivers handed Don crate after crate of toothpaste.
''Hey!'', exclaimed Don pensively,''There must be over a million tubes of toothpaste here. I suppose it will take me a lifetime of eternity and a day to use it all. ''
''Oh, it will.. It will... '', said the truck driver ominously.
Sam was a man of very strong faith. He attended church on Sunday. Each night when he said his prayers he would always finish with, ''Dear Lord in Heaven, please let win the State Lottery, Amen. ''
After many years on Earth, Sam's life ended and he wound up in front of the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter gave Sam the okay for entry. Before he entered, Sam asked Saint Peter...
''As you know from your records, every night I asked to win the State Lottery.... For a life time of prayers I didn't win anything! Not even one penny! How come??''
Saint Peter answered, ''It would have helped if you had purchased a ticket!''.
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