Larry was downtown and passed a shop window with a full display of many clocks. He stepped inside and asked the shop clerk, ''May I purchase a clock please?''
The shop clerk replied, ''I am sorry Sir, we don't sell clocks. Actually this shop neuters cats. ''
''Then why have all those clocks in the window?'' asked the puzzled Larry.
''What do YOU suggest we put in the window then!'' said the shop clerk.
Don enjoyed entering contests and sweepstakes. One day a letter arrived in the mail informing him he had won a lifetime supply of toothpaste! ''Wow! Enough toothpaste to brush my teeth everyday for the rest of my life!'', happily thought Don. It said that his prize would be delivered next Monday.
Delivery day arrived and 100's of huge semi trucks stopped with the hissing of air brakes in front of Don's house. Out hopped a burly driver with a clipboard and had Don sign several forms. Then all the drivers walked to the back of their huge trailers and swung open thier doors. From inside trailer after trailer the drivers handed Don crate after crate of toothpaste.
''Hey!'', exclaimed Don pensively,''There must be over a million tubes of toothpaste here. I suppose it will take me a lifetime of eternity and a day to use it all. ''
''Oh, it will.. It will... '', said the truck driver ominously.
Sam was a man of very strong faith. He attended church on Sunday. Each night when he said his prayers he would always finish with, ''Dear Lord in Heaven, please let win the State Lottery, Amen. ''
After many years on Earth, Sam's life ended and he wound up in front of the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter gave Sam the okay for entry. Before he entered, Sam asked Saint Peter...
''As you know from your records, every night I asked to win the State Lottery.... For a life time of prayers I didn't win anything! Not even one penny! How come??''
Saint Peter answered, ''It would have helped if you had purchased a ticket!''.
Tom was convicted of a felony and was sent to the State Prison. It was his first night in the ''Big House''. Tom and his cell mate were locked in their cell for the night. A bell rang and guard announced ''Lights Out!'' and the prison cell block went dark and a hush fell over the inmates..
A short while later a voice called out, ''35!''..
A few chuckles were heard in the darkness..
A couple minutes later a different voice called out, ''68!''
A few guffaws were heard...
Then someone called out, ''19!''...
A wave of laughter came through the blackness..
A puzzled Tom asked his cell mate,'' What the heck is happening ?''
His cell mate replied, ''You see, new guy, after all the time spent in lock up, everyone has heard every joke over and over. So much so that we gave each joke it's own number to save time and cut to the chase. Understand?'' Tom answered yes and he just lay there listening to all laughter and to what sounded to him like a pretty good time.
After a while Tom wanted to join in the fun and so he called out, ''47!''. The cell block reacted by going dead quiet and all the laughter ceased abruptly!
''Gosh, What just happened?'' he asked his cell mate.
His cell mate answered Tom, ''It wasn't the joke really, it was more the way you told it!''.