Miscellaneous Jokes Page 4
Crime and PUNishment......
Roscoe: ''How do you rob an ATM?''
Lefty: ''Use a Machine Gun!''
Roscoe: ''Hey, I heard the cops nabbed you trying to sell a bunch of stolen sabers and cutlasses and then you tried to sword fight your way out to escape?''
Lefty: ''Yeah that's right, I was arrested for fencing and fencing!''
Roscoe: ''I heard that the cops placed a mannequin of a child holding the correct MPH number for drivers to obey in School Zones. ''
Lefty: ''What are the cops going to call it?!''
Roscoe: ''A Statue of Limitation!''
Roscoe: ''What type of sweater do Traffic Cops wear?''
Lefty: ''A Pullover!''.
On July 20, 1969 the Apollo 11 lunar excursion module ''Eagle'' landed on the surface of the Moon. Astronaut Neil Armstrong stepped onto the lunar surface and uttered those immortal words,''One small step for a man, One giant leap for Mankind. '' His next words were, ''Who the heck wrote this crap?!''
On the moonless night of April 14, 1912 the mighty White Star ocean liner ''RMS Titanic'' on it's fateful maiden voyage was steaming at full speed through dark and frigid waters of the North Atlantic. The lookouts suddenly reported ''Iceberg! Dead ahead!'' to the wheelhouse. Captain E. J. Smith rapidly assessed the situation that his many years of command experience and seamanship afforded him. Instantly, he gave out an order to his crew;''Hey, hold my drink for a sec, will ya!''.
Henry was out for Sunday drive when he got flat tire. He pulled off to side of the which happened to be in front of the State Insane Asylum and began to change the tire. As he was about to install the spare tire he knock over the hub cap that held the lug nuts and they all fell down a drain grate, completely out of reach. As he stood there befuddled by the situation a voice came from an inmate behind the other side of the asylum's iron fence....
''Hey Mister, Just take one lug nut from the other three wheels and use those to hold on the spare tire!'' Said the voice.
''Wow! Thanks for the great advice! How did ever think up such a great idea!'' Said an amazed Henry.
''Hey, I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid. ''said the voice.
Downtown at the exclusive Gentle Men's Club, Reginald and Woodrow were using the facilities in the lavatory. As Reginald finished up, bypassed the sinks and began to exit, Woodrow spoke up.....
''I say there Reggie old sport, at Harvard they taught to wash our hands after using the bathroom!'' remarked Woodrow
''That may true Woody old boy, But at Yale they taught us not to pee on our hands!'' retorted Reginald.
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