Miscellaneous Jokes Page 3
Everyday Old Man Crump would walk to the jewelery store downtown and at noon he would stop and peer through the store's front window. He would then take out his pocket watch and set it to match exact twelve noon time on the store's big display clock and then leave.
Inside the store a shop clerk abruptly stopped his transaction with a customer and adjusted the big display clock. The curious customer asked the shop clerk,''How do you keep that display clock so accurate?''
''Well, you see,'' replied the shop clerk,''Whenever we see that old guy's face in the window, we know it is exactly noon!''.
The brave Explorer McBragg was captured by a tribe of cannibals and force marched at spear point into their jungle village. The direness of the situation dawned on him and thinking fast he came up with an idea. Reaching into his pocket he found his very last matchstick.
''I have been gifted by the mighty jungle gods with the ability to create fire with my finger tips... If you do not release me I shall burn down your village and entire jungle,'' said McBragg ominously. He then with a practice flick of his thumb ignited his very last match. The cannibbals oohed and ahhed being quite impressed. McBragg then blew out his last match and handed to a cannibal.
''Gosh! That was truly spectacular!'', said the cannibal and handed the match stick back to McBragg,''If you can do that trick again for the Chief, I'm sure we won't eat you.''.
Cowboy Tex is in New York City for the first time in his life and walks into a bar.
''What will it be?'', asked the bartender.
''Why, I'm so thirsty I could drink the sweat off of a bull's balls!'',declares Cowboy Tex.
From the deep dark back of the bar room comes a disembodied voice..........
''Well then.... Moo! Moo! There, Buckaroo!!''.
Student: ''Did they have Wi-Fi aboard the whaling ship ''Pequot'' in the novel ''Moby Dick''?
Teacher: ''Of course not! Why would you ask such an absurd question?''
Student: '' Because I'm certain that the first chapter begins; 'Call my Ish-Mail........ '''
Tod: ''Knock! Knock!''
Rod: ''Who's there?''
Rod: ''Ahab who?''
Tod: ''I Ahab teddible cold!''
Student: ''What happens in the final chapter of 'Moby Dick'?''
Teacher: ''It doesn't end whale for Captain Ahab!''
Teacher: ''What did Moby Dick's parents call him?''
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