Miscellaneous Jokes Page 2

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Sonny: ''I've decided to become a sausage maker. ''

Poppa: ''That's the wurst thing you could do for a living!''

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Sonny: ''I got a job at the bagel factory!''

Poppa: ''Doe it keep you busy?''

Sonny: ''There's just a little loafing a round!''

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Poppa: ''There was a horrible accident at eyeglass factory!''

Sonny: ''What happened?''

Poppa: ''A worker fell into the machinery and made a spectacle of himself!''

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Sonny: ''What day does the parade start?''

Poppa: ''March 4th

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Sonny: ''Knock! Knock!''

Poppa: ''Who's there?''

Sonny: ''Hairdo!''

Poppa: ''Hairdo who?''

Sonny: ''Hairdo you want these packages dropped off?''

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Poppa: ''How did he State Prison beekeepers escape?''

Sonny: ''I don't know, tell me!''

Poppa: ''They broke out in hives!''.

Lilly: ''I just thought up a brand new word without anyone's help!''

Billy: ''Wow! That's impressive! What is the word?''

Lilly: ''Plagiarism!''

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Lilly: ''What do call a bucket with no bottom?''

Billy: ''I don't know! What?''

Lilly: ''Useless!''.


Down on the farm...........
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Zeb: ''I heard your dairy barn burned down. What happened?''

Jed: ''It was an udder disaster!''

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Zeb: ''Looks like your herb garden is doing poorly. ''

Jed: ''I could really use some sage advice. ''

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Zeb: ''I heard Santa Claus works for you in his off season. What does he do around your farm?''

Jed: ''Hoe, Hoe, Hoe!''

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Some City Folks were visiting the dairy farm. They all watched as the farmer sat on a stool and milked a cow. Worried about missing his tour bus a man asked the farmer what time was it. The farmer lifted up the cow's udder and spoke....

''It's exactly 12:37. '' said the farmer.

''Wow! That's amazing that you can tell the time to exact minute by simply lifting you cow's udder! How did you ever acquire such a fantastic skill?'' asked the impressed man.

''Well,'' said the farmer, ''When I lift up the cow's udder, I can see the clock over there hanging on the barn wall. ''

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Then there was the Old Sea Captain who wanted absolutely to never think or talk about his maritime career once it was over. When that time came he put a ship's anchor on the back of his truck and drove inland. When someone finally asked him, ''What the heck of a kind of farm plow is that you got there in the back of your truck?''. That's where he retired!.

Down on the farm the old mule was walking across the barnyard when it broke through the rotten wooden cover of an abandon well. It fell all the way to the bottom and began to bray and bray in distress. The old farmer heard all the commotion and realized there was no way he could rescue his mule and so sadly he realized he had to put the poor beast out of it's misery. He grabbed a shovel and with a heavy heart started to dump scoop after scoop of dirt down the well to bury the mule.

With each shovelful of dirt that landed on it's back the mule shook it off. The dirt began to build beneath it's hooves and slowly but surely the mule rose up the well and finally stepped out the well. The old farmer was overjoyed to see his mule again.

This just goes to show you that you shouldn't let an ass hole ruin your day!.

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