Miscellaneous Jokes Page 1
Ray: ''What do call an unsuccessful Veterinarian?''
Jay: '' A Butcher!''.
Librarian #1: ''I was so busy today handling all these old editions I didn't notice that the dust and grime had dirtied the fabric of my dress!''
Librarian #2: ''Well, you what they say.... ''Too many books soil the cloth!''
Shirley: ''I wore a bikini on my beach vacation but so many people were staring and ogling at my breasts it made uneasy. I even wore different tops several times but it kept on happening. I don't think I can enjoy wearing a two piece bathing suit ever again!''
Laverne: ''Well, you know what they say... ''Too many looks spoil the bras!''.
Pete was the poorest dirt farmer in the whole county. His crops never thrived and he did not have any livestock . He barely eked out a living. One day Pete was out hoeing weeds and he dug up the proverbial magical lamp. In a cloud of blue smoke out came the Genie..
''You may have one wish!'', spoke the Genie,''Anything in the entire world can be yours! Absolutely any possibility you can imagine! Anything that your heart may desire! This will be yours!''
''My neighbor.... '' said Pete.
''Yes?''... Said the Genie with interest.
''My neighbor... Has a goat.. '' said Pete.
''Yes??''... Said the Genie with anticipation.
''My neighbor... Has a goat.. KILL IT!!!'' said Pete.
Lumberjack Paul came out of the North Woods and into town for his monthly supplies at the General Store. The store keeper greeted him, ''Hey Paul, I just got a new shipment of chainsaws.. They are guaranteed to cut ten times as many trees as you do now. '' So Paul purchased a chainsaw and left.
A month later Paul came into town for supplies bringing the chainsaw with him. The store keeper asked Paul how was the chainsaw working out?
''Not so good as you predicted, I've only doubled amount of trees I've cut down. '' said Paul,''and actually, I'd like to get my money back. ''
''Hand it to me and I'll take a look at it. '' said the store keeper. He then took the saw and pulled the starter cord and the saw roared to life.
Paul jumped back startled and yelled, ''What the heck is that noise!!!''.
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