Washington State Trooper Norton was on patrol and he came upon a wrecked motor home that had ran off the highway......
''How did you manage to run off the road?'' asked Trooper Norton to the Driver.
''Well there must be something wrong with the cruise control,'' replied the Driver,''You see, I turned it on and then I went into the back of the R. V. To make supper and well, about ten minutes later, the next thing I know is that we crashed!''
''Good gosh sir! The cruise control just maintains the correct speed! It doesn't steer the vehicle!'' said an amazed Trooper Norton.
''That not quite true,'' said the Driver defensively, ''Because it worked fine twice earlier today when I cooked breakfast and lunch!''.
Big Dave the truck driver had a trainee aboard his rig and was showing him the ropes about driving a truck. It was about lunch time when Big Dave stopped his rig at his favorite greasy spoon diner which was located on a steep hill.
''All right, Partner,'' said Big Ed, ''Let's go get a bite to eat. I've set the parking brake and now you go and chock all the wheels, okay?''
''But that won't do any good on this hill!'' replied the trainee.
''Listen, Newbie, just listen to Big Dave and do exactly what you are told!'' said a slightly irked Big Dave, ''Then you can come inside and eat only after your done with that task,okay?''
Later, Big Ed was joined inside the diner by the trainee and they settled in to eat their lunch. Suddenly, a tremendous crashing noise met their ears. They ran outside to investigate and saw their rig at the bottom of the steep hill in smoking twisted wreck.
''Why didn't you did as you were told?!'' yelled a stunned Big Ed.
''Hey, I did exactly as instructed!'' said the trainee defensively,''Each and every wheel I chalked with a big X. I told you that wouldn't do any good on this hill!''.
The young married couple wanted to start a family. After a few years they had yet to become pregnant. Voicing the concerns to their family doctor he referred them to a fertility specialist. The couple arrived at his office and sat down in front of his desk. The specialist began:
''How often do you make love?'', asked the fertility doctor.
''What do you mean?'' answered the couple.
''I mean, how often do copulate?''asked the doctor.
''We don't understand that word. '' replied the couple.
''Ah, how many times a week do and in what positions do you have sexual intercourse?'' asked perplexed doctor.
''We haven't a clue what your talking about. ''said the couple.
''Allow me to demonstrate what I am talking about with these visual aids. '' said the doctor. He then took out from his desk drawer a pair of female and male anatomically correct dolls and on his desk top demonstrated the physical act of procreation.
The wife screamed and fainted. The husband got up from his chair and punched the doctor in the face.
The King and the Royal Hunting party was afield in the castle's game preserve. As the they approached a thicket one of the gamekeepers stepped out from behind the trees and while waving his arms above his head shouted out,''I am not an elk!! I am not an elk!!''
The King took careful aim and shot him dead.
''Sire!'', exclaimed the Royal Gun Bearer,''Why on earth did you shoot that man?''
''Because, I am quite sure,'' replied the King, '' He said;'I am an elk! I am an elk!'''.