Drunk Jokes Page 1

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You know Arthur, said Doctor Rueprecht, you really should quit drinking, it'll make your life longer.
- Yes Doctor, said Arthur, you're absolutely right. Yesterday I didn't have a drink all day and it was the longest day of my life.




Arthur gets pulled over for speeding.
Cop: - License and registration please. You were driving 50 in a 35 sir.
Arthur: - No officer, I'm pretty sure I was only driving maybe 40.
Arthur's wife Gertrude: - Officer, officer, I aw the speedometer, he was driving 53 exactly.
Cop: - I appreciate your honesty, ok 53 it is then. Also sir, are you aware that your tail light is out?
Arthur: - Oh really, I had no clue, thank you for telling me officer I'll have that fixed right away.
Gertrude: - Officer, officer, that light has been out for a month, I've been bugging him to fix it every single day.
Arthur turns to his wife and screams: - SHUT UP YOU @#$%&@ IDIOT!
Cop: - Mam, does he always talk that way to you?
- Only when he's drunk.



   


   
Arthur had gone down to the corner bar for a couple of drinks, but it ended up being a bit more than that. At closing time he had had so much to drink that he couldn't even walk to the door.
He crawled out the door and sat down on the sidewalk outside thinking that if he waits a bit he'll be sober enough to walk home.
He waited about an hour and tried to get up but couldn't.
Oh well, he thought, I can't sit here all night, I'll just crawl home.
It took him a while to crawl home but he finally made it. He crawled into his house and up the stairs and into bed and fell asleep.
The next morning Arthur's wife Gertrude woke him up and said.
- Honey, they called from the corner bar and want to know when you're going to pick up your wheelchair.




The mood was depressed at the brewery. Arthur, one of the most senior workers had drowned in the big beer tank.
- Did he suffer much? Asked his widow Gertrude sobbing.
- I donít think so mam. He climbed out three times to go to the bathroom before he died.




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