Dirty Jokes Page 3
Meanwhile, down on the farm.......
Farmer Jones catches two hobos stealing his crops... At the point of his shotgun he marches the pair to his barn and locks one them inside. Still pointing his shotgun at the first hobo he asks him what his favorite thing to eat is.
''Blueberries!'' answer the first hobo.
''The come with me to the blueberry field!'' said Farmer Jones still pointing the shotgun.
Upon arriving at the blueberry field Farmer Jones orders the hobo....
''Drop your britches and start putting blueberries where the sun don't shine!''
The first hobo, being at gun point complies with the order but then soon bursts out laughing.
''What's so darned funny??'' asked a puzzled Farmer Jones.
''My buddy's favorite thing to eat... ''answered the first hobo between guffaws,'... Is WATERMELONS!!!''.
The Traveling Salesman had found himself out in the country with night approaching and so he stopped at the next farm to see if he could have shelter for the night. Farmer Jones told the Salesman he could spend the night in his barn under these conditions....
''You can sleep in barn tonight, however, I have four daughters who sleep in there too. I sure don't want no funny business going on! If I hear the scream of ''Greased Goose'' tonight, I'm going to come out to the barn with my shotgun and shoot you deader than a doornail!''
The Salesman agreed to these terms and went off to sleep in the barn and the Farmer and his wife retired to their bed in the farmhouse. Sometime around midnight there came from the barn the pitiful screaming of ''Greased Goose!! Greased Goose!!'' This went on for several hours until finally the farmer's wife asked, ''I say Pa, ain't you gonna get your shotgun?''
The Farmer answered his wife, ''What for Ma? I do believe that's the Salesman screaming!''.
After many years of a misery, the wife of Mr. Dickie had grown tired of her husband... So much that she resorted to killing her husband to end the marriage... To dispose of his body she took an ax and chopped it up into manageable sized pieces.. A neighbor had heard all of this commotion and had called the police... An arrest was made and at the trial she was found guilty of murder.. At the the sentencing the judge spoke....
''You cut off your husband's head!''
''You cut off your husband's hands!''
''You cut off your husband's arms!''
''You cut off your husband's feet!''
''You cut off your husband's legs!''
''How could you Mrs. Dickie?''.
One windy summer afternoon down on the beach a healthy young lady is wearing her brand new bikini.... She is enjoying herself splashing and frolicking in the choppy waters when a rather large wave tears off her top and carries it away.... To cover up her embarrassing situation she crosses her arms in front of her rather ample chest. She is too shy to leave the water.....
Little Billy is strolling down the beach when he sees her in the water and calls out....
''HEY Lady!! Please don't drown those puppies! I'll take home the one with the pink nose!''.
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