Dirty Jokes Page 1
Lou: ''Did you hear what happened to lady explorer who spent a night in King Tut's Tomb?''
Bud: ''Yeah, nine months later she was a mummy!''
Lucy: ''Being pregnant sure makes me feel sweaty and out of breath. ''
Ethel: ''How far along are you?''
Lucy: ''Oh, about ten minutes!''.
Back in the good old days, the milkman was making his rounds with horse and wagon. It was a sultry summer's day in the city. The old horse pulling the fully loaded milk wagon collapsed flat on the pavement. The veterinarian was summoned and arrived. After a cursory examination of the poor stricken animal the doctor reached down and took hold of the horse's testicles and gave them both a mighty twist. The horse let out terrible whinny, leaped to it's feet, and then took off like a shot down the street, dragging the milk wagon at top speed, with milk bottles clanking and falling off with the crash of breaking glass and exploding sprays of spilled milk. The horse and wagon were soon out of sight heading down the street and around the corner.
The milkman stood there for a moment and then dropped his trousers.
''Good God man! What are you doing?'' exclaimed the perplexed Doctor.
''Well, you best give mine a twist too!'' said the milkman,''Because NOW I have to go chase after him!''.
Meanwhile, down on the farm.......
Farmer Jones catches two hobos stealing his crops... At the point of his shotgun he marches the pair to his barn and locks one them inside. Still pointing his shotgun at the first hobo he asks him what his favorite thing to eat is.
''Blueberries!'' answer the first hobo.
''The come with me to the blueberry field!'' said Farmer Jones still pointing the shotgun.
Upon arriving at the blueberry field Farmer Jones orders the hobo....
''Drop your britches and start putting blueberries where the sun don't shine!''
The first hobo, being at gun point complies with the order but then soon bursts out laughing.
''What's so darned funny??'' asked a puzzled Farmer Jones.
''My buddy's favorite thing to eat... ''answered the first hobo between guffaws,'... Is WATERMELONS!!!''.
The Traveling Salesman had found himself out in the country with night approaching and so he stopped at the next farm to see if he could have shelter for the night. Farmer Jones told the Salesman he could spend the night in his barn under these conditions....
''You can sleep in barn tonight, however, I have four daughters who sleep in there too. I sure don't want no funny business going on! If I hear the scream of ''Greased Goose'' tonight, I'm going to come out to the barn with my shotgun and shoot you deader than a doornail!''
The Salesman agreed to these terms and went off to sleep in the barn and the Farmer and his wife retired to their bed in the farmhouse. Sometime around midnight there came from the barn the pitiful screaming of ''Greased Goose!! Greased Goose!!'' This went on for several hours until finally the farmer's wife asked, ''I say Pa, ain't you gonna get your shotgun?''
The Farmer answered his wife, ''What for Ma? I do believe that's the Salesman screaming!''.
Submit a joke:
copyright © jokesandlies.com