Dirty Jokes Page 1
Down at the Shady Acres Rest Home, Old Ned and next door neighbor Old Fred were sitting in rocking chairs and chatting on the front porch....
Old Ned asked, ''I don't mean to be nosy but you how thin these walls are here at the Home. Well, last last night through the wall, I could hear you and wife making such loud and vigorous love all night long. I just want to know how a man of your age can be such a great lover with such stamina?''
''Well, no secret really,'' confessed Old Fred,''Last night I couldn't find my reading glasses and accidentally grabbed the Poly-Grip instead of the K-Y!''.
The young married couple wanted to start a family. After a few years they had yet to become pregnant. Voicing the concerns to their family doctor he referred them to a fertility specialist. The couple arrived at his office and sat down in front of his desk. The specialist began:
''How often do you make love?'', asked the fertility doctor.
''What do you mean?'' answered the couple.
''I mean, how often do copulate?''asked the doctor.
''We don't understand that word. '' replied the couple.
''Ah, how many times a week do and in what positions do you have sexual intercourse?'' asked perplexed doctor.
''We haven't a clue what your talking about. ''said the couple.
''Allow me to demonstrate what I am talking about with these visual aids. '' said the doctor. He then took out from his desk drawer a pair of female and male anatomically correct dolls and on his desk top demonstrated the physical act of procreation.
The wife screamed and fainted. The husband got up from his chair and punched the doctor in the face.
Noel: ''I heard Dave suffered a terrible groin injury when his bicycle seat fell off while riding. ''
Leon: ''That's awful! What's the prognosis?''
Noel: ''He's ruined for Wife!''
Leon: ''This sounds serious! Will he father any more children?''
Noel: ''No kidding and no kidding!''
Lucy: ''Are you lying to me about your vasectomy?''
Desi: ''I would never kid you!''
IUD = Love Spring Internal.
Dr. Sigmund: ''I have a patient who is an agnostic dyslexic who suffers from insomnia!''
Dr. Fred: ''Sounds awful!''
Dr. Sigmund: ''I know, he lies in bed all night long wondering if there really is a dog!''
Dr. Fred: ''Well you think that's bad, I have a patient who is a masochist into bestality and necrophilia!''
Dr. Sigmund: ''What happened?''
Dr. Fred: ''He had to give it all up because he felt like he was beating a dead horse!''.
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