Death Jokes Page 2
Heath: ''What happened to Men's Room attendant when had a near death experience?''
Micro: ''He saw his entire life flush before his eyes!''.
Petey: ''Knock! Knock!''
Paul: ''Who's there?''
Petey: ''The Grim Reaper!''
Paul: ''OH Snap!!!!''
Petey: ''How's Farmer Jones?''
Paul: ''He bought the farm!''
Petey: ''How are your two dogs, the Chihuahua and the Saint Bernard?''
Paul: ''The Chihuahua bit the big one!''
Petey: ''How's your pet frog?''
Paul: ''He croaked!''
Petey: ''How's the new quarterback on your football team?''
Paul: ''He passed away!''
Petey: ''How's the watchmaker doing?''
Paul: ''His ticker stopped!''
Petey: ''How's Father Damien Karras, the retired exorcist doing these days?''
Paul: ''He gave up the ghost!''
Petey: ''Did your Mum ever come back from shopping for towels and linens?''
Paul: ''No, she never did. I'm afraid she went to the 'Bed, Bath, and the GREAT Beyond!'''
Petey: ''I don't think there is a Heaven!''
Paul: ''That's nothing to joke about!''
Petey: ''What was the Dairy Farmer's dying wish?''
Paul: ''He wanted to be cremated!''
Petey: ''How was the memorial dinner for the victims of the bakery fire?''
Paul: ''We drank a toast to them!''
Petey: ''It's lucky no one was killed when the clock tower collapsed onto the crowded street. ''
Paul: ''I guess their time wasn't up!''
Petey: ''I heard your Dad fell off the ladder and was killed when he hung a new clock on the wall. ''
Paul: ''I guess his time was up!
Petey: ''What street is the funeral home on?''
Paul: ''It's on a Dead End!''.
Dan enjoyed entering contests and sweepstakes. One day in the mail a letter arrived informing him he had won a lifetime supply of toothpaste! ''Wow! Enough toothpaste to brush my teeth everyday for the rest of my life!'', happily thought Dan. It said that his prize would be delivered next Monday.
Delivery day arrived and a huge semi truck stopped with a hissing of air brakes in front of Dan's house. Out hopped a burly truck driver with a clipboard and had Dan sign several forms. They both walked to the back of the huge trailer and the truck driver swung open it's doors. From inside the trailer the driver took a small package and handed to Dan which he opened.
''Hey!'' exclaimed Dan disappointedly, ''There's only a half empty tube of toothpaste in here. How is this suppose to last me my entire lifetime!?!''
''Oh, It will.. It will... '' said the truck driver ominously.
The local church built new bell tower complete with one big bell. The Padre placed a want ad in the newspaper to hire a bell ringer. After several weeks there was no response. Finally there was one applicant however he had no arms.
''My son,'' said the Padre, ''You have no arms. How can you do the job?''
''Trust me, I can do the job. Please, give me chance!'' And so the Padre and the man climbed up the tall tower and entered the bell room. The man backed up into the corner and ran full tilt into the bell, striking it with his head! ''BONNNNGG!!'', went the bell.
''You have proven your abilities! You're hired'' said the Padre. And so every Sunday the man would run full tilt into the bell with his head and it would go ''BONNNGGG!'' This went on for several months. One Sunday, there was a problem. The man backed up into the corner but unnoticed his shoe lace had come untied. He ran towards the bell and tripped on his loose shoelace. He stumbled and missed the bell completely and instead flew out the window. He fell a hundred feet and hit sidewalk with a thump. He was dead on impact.
A crowd gathered around the dead body and the police were summoned. Officer O'Malley addressed the crowd, ''Can anyone tell me this man's name?''
The Padre spoke up, ''You know, I don't know his name, But his face rings a bell.''.
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