Criminal Jokes Page 1
Hey Arthur, how did the job interview go, did they call you back?
- No Delbert, I don't know what happened, it all went so well until the very end when they asked me if I have any questions.
- Well what did you ask them?
- I asked them if they file charges.
When the small town built a new bridge they installed a traffic counter to monitor traffic flow. The counter was getting close to the million mark, so they thought it would be a good idea to greet the millionth car an give him a prize. The counter read 999,999 and the sheriff and the mayor was standing by for the next car and here it came.
- Congratulations sir, you are the 1,000,000 th car to cross this bridge, you win $1,000.
- Wow a thousand bucks, yippie, I'm gonna go to driving school with that money and get myself one of them drivers licenses said Arthur.
- Don't listen to him, said his wife Gertrude in the passenger seat, he's drunk.
- I told you we wouldn't get far in a stolen car, said Delbert from the backseat.
Arthur was walking alone in the park at night and met a robber.
- Give me you wallet or I'll kill you, said the robber.
- You're not getting my money said Arthur, and started fighting the robber.
They both fought long and hard but in the end the robber won and ended up with the wallet. With Arthur down on the ground the robber checked the wallet and found two dollars in it.
- Two bucks!! You put up a fight like that over two bucks? What's wrong with you?
-Oh, said Arthur, that's all you want? I thought you wanted the $5000 I have stashed in my socks.
A car had crashed into a tree and Arthur and Delbert were found drunk at the scene, they were arrested at the crash site by the police. Later in court the judge asked:
- Which one of you two were driving the car?
-Your honor, we were both in the back seat singing.
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