Car Jokes

Hey Delbert, said Arthur, I need some advice from you I donít know what to do.
- What's wrong Arthur old friend, asked Delbert.
- Well Delbert, my wife Gertrude has been acting really strange lately. Sometimes when her phone rings she rushes to another room where I can't hear her. She comes home wearing new jewelry, and she won't tell me who she got it from. She goes out at night without telling me where and when she comes home someone drops her off a few houses down and she walks the last part. She says she's working late but I just don't believe it. Last night I went out on the street a bit before she usually arrives home from her secret trip, I hid behind my car and waited. While I was down on my knees behind the car I noticed that the muffler was quite rusty and had a small rust hole in the bottom, is there any way I can fix that or do I need to change the muffler?.

Dad, I think I'm old enough to drive the car.
- Yes son, you are. But the car isn't.


When the small town built a new bridge they installed a traffic counter to monitor traffic flow. The counter was getting close to the million mark, so they thought it would be a good idea to greet the millionth car an give him a prize. The counter read 999,999 and the sheriff and the mayor was standing by for the next car and here it came.
- Congratulations sir, you are the 1,000,000 th car to cross this bridge, you win $1,000.
- Wow a thousand bucks, yippie, I'm gonna go to driving school with that money and get myself one of them drivers licenses said Arthur.
- Don't listen to him, said his wife Gertrude in the passenger seat, he's drunk.
- I told you we wouldn't get far in a stolen car, said Delbert from the backseat.

Arthur was driving through the desert when suddenly his car stopped. He opened the hood but couldn't find anything wrong. After a while a black horse showed up.
- Fuel filter Ö fuel filter ... fuel filter, said the horse.
Fuel filter huh? Said Arthur.
He checked his fuel filter and it was clogged. He cleared it enough to get the car started again. He gave the horse a candy bar he had in the car as thanks and went on his way. A few miles down the road he pulled in for some gas and he told the gas station attendant the whole incredible story about the black horse and the fuel filter.
Well son, you were lucky that black horse came along, said the gas station attendant, there's a white horse around that area too but he doesn't know diddly doo about cars.

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